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Limp Bizkit Interview

The Snake Pit has conducted an exclusive interview with Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst. Here is the interview in its entirety.

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Cobra: First of all I'd like to thank you for taking time out your busy schedule for this interview.
 
Durst: Sure no problem. We've been working on a new album and stuff. It's going to fuckin' rock like no other Limp album ever has.
 
Cobra: Speaking of the new Limp-Wristed album, is it actually going to be any good? I've been trying to place bets that it's going to suck worse than any other you guys have put out. And that's bad because all your other albums have sucked as well. Nobody wants to accept though because they all think I'm right.
 
Durst: Well that's all good and all. We've synthesized some new shit and we've got some new phat beats on the turntable. It's going to be tha fuckin' bomb. All tha Bizkit fans and those who aren't yet will love it.
 
Cobra: Why is it that you guys never actually try to make real music? You know, learn more than just four or five guitar riffs and get some decent lyrics. You no talent wankstains!
 
Durst: First of all, our guitarists are great. Wes' replacement can play the exact four riffs that Wes could. So our guitars are top notch still. And as far as the lyrics go, d00d have you even heard Rollin' or our cover of Faith?
 
Cobra: Yeah it's pretty amazing how such awesome thought out lyrics like "GET THA FUCK UP!!!!!!" can sell millions. That's a sure sign that people's musical tastes are in bad shape. And fucktards such as yourselves aren't helping any.
 
Durst: Hey it took me a whole fuckin' month to just think that line up! Don't be playa' hatin' yo! You know I'd hate to go Rollin' on yo' ass.
 
Cobra: I don't swing that way Fred. So keep your disturbing sexual fantasies all to yourself, because quite frankly I don't want to hear about them macca. Anyways, let's move on to something better before your idiotic answers make my IQ drop any lower. The last thing I want is to be as stupid as you. I actually have things to look forward too in life.
 
Durst: Hey I've got an Eighth grade edumacation! BOO YAH!
 
Cobra: Uh.... that's great. So being in band most get chicks, tell us about that.
 
Durst: Ohhh shit! I remember back before we hit the big time, we used to get the most disgusting skanky snatch imaginable. We'd have fatass chicks with faces resembling moon pie and missing several teeth that would come to our concerts. They would take their shirts off and those rolls and titties would be flyin' But hell it was free pussy so we took it, and...
 
Cobra: Okay enough! All this talk about fat ugly snatch is disgusting me you sick worthless cunt! Anyways! So you guys got the most awful pussy ever. No big surprise there. Now it appears you have moved up some with Miss Britney Spears.
 
Durst: Yeah, I've progressed from fat disgusting snatch, to snatch ripped as wide open as the Grand fuckin' Canyon yo! Now this has to prove I'm cool! If this doesn't work then I don't know what will.
 
Cobra: So how is Britney in the sack anyways?
 
Durst: You know I can't honsetly answer that question. I tried to do it with her  a few times, but I can't ever find my cock to put it in her.
 
Cobra: ......
 
Durst: I'm not lying! Even with my magnifying glass I still can't locate it. The damn thing is just so small, and her cunt is so wide.
 
Cobra: Why you poor miserable sad waste of life. Your idiocy is truly amazing. I can't tolerate you anymore cretin! For the sake of humanity don't ever breed! And if you have, then don't ever do it again! Do have any thing else to say to your fans before this interview ends?
 
Durst: Buy our new CD and GET THA FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Cobra: Now GET THA FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!! Because this interview is over BIOCH!
 
 

2003, The Snake Pit